Don't Melt Away
by EtheralEvanescence
Summary: Pre-Phantom Arc. Juvia watches one of her teammates kill a man on a mission, and she is severely distressed upon the realization that the guild she loves is causing her to abandon some of her morals. Who else does she have to talk about it with other than Kurogane-Gajeel? Rated T for swearing. GajeelxJuvia friendship.


**Just a drabble I wrote one afternoon when I was sick. This afternoon, sorry. I know that before they joined FairyTail, Gajeel was a sadist who almost positively killed some people, and Juvia was an emotionally stranded loner. But I still think Juvia, unlike her only friend, had morals, and disagreed with him on some things, and this is the product of that. Also Juvia swears in this *le gasp* so just be prepared.**

**Pre-story: Juvia and the Element 4 were on a mission where Aria ended up killing the wanted mage, and it was the first time Juvia had ever been present to witness one of her guildmates killing a human. **

**Being Juvia, she was pretty upset.**

**Fairy Tail is owned by the God-being known as Hiro Mashima.**

**Don't Melt Away.**

"I- It's so sad." Aria cried, as usual. "The mission is over. I wanted it to keep going, it was such a pleasant chase."

"Ah~ but Monsieur Aria" Sol insisted. "We executed the mission perfectly. Master will be proud of us, and that is no reason to cry."

"I- I suppose." Aria wailed. As the group passed a local pub, Totomaru stopped them by holding out his arm. "How 'bout we celebrate a job-well-done?" The group started to enter the pub.

"Hey Juvia," Totomaru called as the Rainwoman continued to walk. She had not said a single word since they collected the money. Not unusual for her, but it was a different kind of quiet. "Wanna join us?" He knew the girl had problems, and while Sol gave him a look of distaste at the thought of _requesting_ the company bad weather, he wasn't one to leave women out in the rain, no pun intended.

"No thank you Totomaru-san." Juvia said emptily, not turning around. "Juvia doesn't drink."

"Maybe next time?" He bargained.

Juvia didn't answer, and Totomaru followed the rest of his team into the pub without another word.

* * *

><p>Juvia strode into the guild, closing her umbrella as the doors shut behind her. No one was startled by her presence, as the rain arrived well before she had.<p>

"How was the mission?" Gajeel asked casually when she plopped down across from him, face buried in her hands. Not that he cared.

Juvia looked up at him. She looked miserable, almost nauseous. Gajeel's feature's shifted into rage.  
>"What the hell happened?" He demanded, slamming his fist on the table "It was that Totomaru bastard, wasn't it? I never liked him. What did he do to you?"<p>

"Nothing Gajeel-kun. Totomaru-san is fine." Juvia whispered, grabbing her friend's arm to stop him from doing anything rash. No one in the guild bothered to call them love-birds. Gajeel had beaten them up too many times for that anymore.

Gajeel relaxed. A little. "Then what happened?"

Juvia left out a shaky breath, and tried in vain to compose herself. "We killed someone Gajeel-kun." She murmured.

"What do you mean?" he asked curiously, chewing on a large screw.

"On the mission. The man we were hired to contain began to run, and Aria just...we…"

"Killed him." Gajeel finished bluntly.

"Yeah." Juvia breathed after a moment. She was trying very hard not to cry in front of her guildmates. "Juvia was fine when we had to hurt people, Gajeel-kun." She confessed. "They were bad people, we were just doing our job. But we _took _a _life._ Regardless of what that man did, _murder_ was not the answer. We didn't even have to kill him, he was containable. And we did."

Gajeel stopped chewing on a bolt for a moment, considering. Wasn't Juvia supposed to understand? Why was she so bummed about this? "Yeah, but you can't tell me it wasn't just a little bit enjoyable." He explained slowly, as if to a small child. (or at least how he imagined one would speak to a child.)

"W-what?" Juvia asked, lips parting in disbelief.

"Y'know, the fight. You can't say you didn't get a little satisfaction. When you landed a good hit. When you finished him completely. And he was a bad guy anyway, or he wouldn't be wanted."

Juvia blinked in disbelief, and her face became enraged. The rain sped up and began to boil. Juvia stood up sharply, shaking the table and knocking some bolts to the floor.

"Hey, RainWoman, Watch-"

"You have no IDEA Gajeel!" Juvia stormed out of the guild then, (quite literally) into the pouring rain, leaving all eyes on the door, and Gajeel to wonder what was not to love about killing.

* * *

><p><em>Now where would a Rainwoman hide?<em> Gajeel thought for a moment as he roamed the streets of the city. He paused. _Of course._

On the outskirts of the city there was a cliff overlooking a massive lake, which, after a few miles, flooded out into the ocean. This is where he found her.

Juvia didn't say anything when he sat down next to her, instead choosing to focus blank navy eyes on the water below her. The only thing that let him know she had even noticed his presence at all was that she flinched when he sat down, something she did for anyone who got within three feet of her, something he doubted she would ever get over. They sat in silence for a few minutes, overlooking what might have been a peaceful sunset had it not been for the pounding gray sky of a Rainstorm. At least there was no lightning.

"Sorry." he said after a while. "I- didn't get how sensitive a topic it was for you." The rain continued to pour. "I guess not everyone's cut out to… y'know. Do what I do.

More silent minutes, filled by the sounds of flooding water and crashing waves.

"I want out, Gajeel-kun." he looked at her. "Out of all of this, everything." The Ameonna finally raised her eyes from the water. Her features were arranged perfectly again, dark eyes empty. he still couldn't tell if the wetness on her face was rainwater or tears, though he supposed that with her it was the same thing. Her voice was even and dead. "Juvia is so tired of having to hurt people. She is tired of everything. She wants out of having to be alone and strong. It isn't who I am Gajeel-kun." And Gajeel realized for the first time that he really didn't know Juvia. He knew the Rain-woman, certainly, and who Juvia pretended to be. But not who she was. Not at all. He had never realized to what extent her softness ran. Juvia continued. "I want out of this rain. Juvia doesn't want to have to choose between her guild and her morals. She wants to be able to _have_ morals."

Gajeel sat, angry and sad all at once, almost as if he was feeling just a little bit of what Juvia was. He was annoyed that she was feeling more than he could even imagine.

"Juvia wonders...what it would be like to get out. Sometimes." She said softly, and closed her eyes. "It would be so simple for Juvia, to just melt away into the ocean and the rain. Then she wouldn't have to hurt people."

The rain slowed, but did not stop. Every time she ever heard the tempo decrease, Juvia hoped for a moment that it really would cease. It didn't, obviously.

Gajeel thought of all the iron that had rusted when he went on missions with the Rain-woman, or whenever he'd been anywhere near her, including the guild. He thought about how all that was a waste if she was just going to give up in the end anyway.

"Don't be a dumbass" he said in a rough voice. Juvia turned towards him, hands on her lap. Her face almost showed surprise. Almost. "What the hell is all this talk about wanting out? Sounds more like giving up to me. Phantom Mages don't give up. And morals? " He scoffed. "You've never had to personally kill anyone, it was Aria, and you'll never have to, so stop crying about morals. People are gonna die whether you're there to witness it or not, and it has nothing to do with you." Yeah our guild's a little rough, but it's not like it's a dark guild. Are you saying you wanna betray our guild? Our master?"

_me?_

"Cause that's what disappearing would be, not to mention that melting away is literally the lamest way to go."

Juvia looked at Gajeel, and he glared back.

_Don't you dare fucking leave me Rain-woman._

Juvia's gaze hardened in determination. "Juvia would never betray her guild." she proclaimed. "Don't tell anyone Juvia had this moment of weakness.

"Sure." Kurogane smirked, and placed his closed fist on her forehead, a kind of symbol their guild had.

"Right." Juvia said, and did the same to him, though admittedly her hand was small compared to the Dragonslayer's, whose fist almost took up her entire face. "Now let's get back to Phantom." She said, and stood up next to Gajeel.

Maybe they weren't exactly the same. Hell, they didn't even completely understand each other. But that didn't matter, because they had eachother to talk, and listen to.

The rain kept going, but Juvia would not disappear with it, because Phantom Lord Mages didn't give up. She had her guild to live for after all, even if she didn't always understand it.

_And she had her friend._

**Gosh I love writing angst almost as much as fluff. Especially pre-Phantom arc Juvia. I hope this was okay.**


End file.
